


Aint no rest for the wicked

by blackm00n5



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Drabbles, M/M, Multi, Tags to be added, ace!raphael, bottom!raphael, cute vampires in love, prompt fills, sex repulsed character, submissive!Raphael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:44:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6623740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackm00n5/pseuds/blackm00n5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The prompt fills I have on tumblr that I don't feel are long enough to be separate. </p><p>Ratings vary by chapter</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Protective

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Saphael- the vampires are very protective of the new baby vampire, especially Raphael

It had started with the oldest vampire in the clan.

He, and most of the others, insisted his name was Ezio. Simon was convinced they had seen his Assassin’s Creed shirt and were fucking with him, there was no way his name was _really_ Ezio. But, he had nothing else to call him, and he hated the idea of calling him out when it was very possible that _was_ his real name.

So, it had started with Ezio.

Simon trusted Luke. Trusted him with his life, really, werewolf or not. The rest of the pack? Not so much. The rest of the pack growled and snarled whenever he was near them. They were always tensed up, ready to jump at him to attack. Usually, Simon could keep his cool when Luke was there. The familiar man’s presence was enough to convince him that he was safe. He was their alpha, if he said not to kill someone they would listen.

It was when Luke wasn’t there that Simon started to panic.

Simon had sort of become the second in command. So, while Raphael was off dealing with business regarding the Boston Clan, it was Simon who was sent to deal with the werewolves when they demanded an audience. Ezio came with him, refusing to allow any of the clan, let along the fledgling, go by himself to a building filled with rabid dogs.

Simon swallowed thickly as he and Ezio entered the warehouse - and who the hell decides to meet up in an abandoned warehouse? What kind of Saw bullshit was this? - where they were supposed to be meeting with the wolves. He tried to keep his shoulders squared, head held high. But he just couldn’t. It was too hard to do when he could hear them all growling under their breaths at him.

Ezio rested a hand on Simon’s shoulder, guided him forward without ever leaving his side. It was comforting, really, to have him there.

“Where’s the leader, blood sucker?” One of the wolves snarled out, and Simon couldn’t help but feel like they were all closing in on him.

“Our clan leader is otherwise occupied.” Ezio announced, calm and collected with his hand still on Simon’s shoulder. “You are in audience with the leader’s right hand man. “

Simon managed a smile, waving awkwardly. The growling didn’t stop, but it suddenly felt less like he was being threatened. He was able to stand a little taller, able to speak without stuttering. All because  he had just one person there for backup.

And after that, it was all of them. Simon was never anywhere alone, never left the hotel without at least two others with him. He was asked at least three times a day if he had fed, yet. He was always placed between or behind his companions when they went anywhere.

And Raphael? Raphael didn’t let anyone near him.

If one of the vampires touched Simon, they’d get a sharp hiss from the clan leader. If anyone spent too much time with him, Raphael would suddenly have something trivial and meaningless for them to do. He followed the fledgling every time he left the hotel, made sure he was always safe.

He would insist it was because he had promised to look after Simon. He was a man of his word, after all. It had been a promise to a Shadowhunter, but a promise nonetheless. Besides, it was at least partially his fault Simon was stuck in this life, anyway.

The clan knew the excuses were bullshit.

* * *

Apparently, Vampires celebrated when a clan appointed a new leader.

And apparently, Vampire parties were on par with the parties Magnus threw.

The DuMort was insane, flashing lights and loud music. Vampires dancing on poles that Simon knew for a fact where not there yesterday. A variety of spiked blood cocktails, things Simon didn’t even know existed.

A throne, a _literal_ throne, was up on a platform. Simon gaped at it, not quite comprehending the fact that they had set out an actual throne. Raphael had that smug little smirk on his face, lounged on the throne with a few vampires from different clans practically hanging off of him. Another clan leader, one born from royalty in the thirteen-hundreds, had gone so far as to place a crown on Raphael’s head. As excessive as it was, Simon couldn’t deny the look suited him.

Simon wasn’t used to having a lot of attention on him. Sure, people were staring when his band played, but he wasn’t usually grabbing people’s attention because of his looks. But, there were vampires on either side of him, a blonde girl from the Boston clan and a dark skinned man from the clan in Salem, dancing against him. Simon felt awkward, but he was certainly enjoying himself. It felt nice to have someone interested in him, someone wanting to be near him.

He felt the girl - Leah, if he remembered correctly - trail a finger down over his jaw and his head tilted as if by instinct. His eyes flicked briefly to Raphael, though he couldn’t really think of why, only to notice that the clan leader was staring right at him. He snapped his attention back to the two dancing with him, trying to ignore the fact that his heart would be racing if it could.

Hands landed on his hips and Leah leaned into him with her own hands on his shoulders. She was leaning into him - looking like she was going for a kiss - when the room went silent.

Simon squirmed a bit to turn and look around, just like everyone else, and he saw that Raphael had stood. Raphael kept his gaze locked on to him, stepping down off the platform slowly. Simon felt his breath catch - and why was he still breathing, anyway? Would he ever get over that habit? - as the two vampires stepped away from him slightly.

“The fledgling is claimed.” Raphael announced, voice firm.

Simon was positive the world stopped. Raphael had just…claimed him? Since when was he something to be claimed? And why did the fact not bother him at all? His brain was racing, reeling to try and process the information as Raphael slowly walked toward him. He swallowed, managing to choke out a noise that might have been a ‘hey’ when Raphael stopped in front of him. Raphael’s face softened a bit, and he examined Simon.

“…If you want, at least.” He told him, voice quiet. Simon didn’t answer for a long moment.

Then, he lifted his hands to grab for Raphael’s face, pulling him close and crashing their lips together. It was rushed, desperate in a way Simon hadn’t quite intended on. He felt Raphael grip at his shirt - a new, silky shirt in a deep blue color - to pull him as close as possible. Raphael’s head tilted, deepening the kiss.

“My room.” He managed to breathe out, lips not really leaving Simon’s.

Simon nodded dumbly, stumbling after Raphael as he was lead out of the ballroom.  The whole situation was still trying to process in his head. Sure, he had known pretty much since the beginning that he found Raphael attractive. And the longer he was there, the more he got to know him, the more he realized how much he genuinely liked him. But he had never really expected that the older vampire would return the sentiment.

Simon was pushed up against Raphael’s bedroom door almost before it closed, and he instantly wrapped his arms around Raphael’s waist to tug him closer. The kiss was more tongue and teeth than lip, and he could feel soft groaned vibrating from deep in Raphael’s throat. Simon pushed forward, guiding them toward the bed until he could push Raphael down onto it and crawl over him.

It was a blur of movement in Simon’s memory, the two of them rolling over each other as they tore clothing off, laughing breathlessly. Simon could remember stopping Raphael before he threw off that crown, pinning his hands above his head instead as he leaned down to kiss and suck at his neck.

Raphael was loud, making sure Simon knew exactly how pleased he was as he was fingered open carefully, head thrown back as much as he could get it with the crown still on his head. He clinged to Simon as the fledgling fucked into him, keening and gasping out Spanish swears. Simon murmured out a steady stream of encouragments, telling Raphael how amazing he was and how good it felt.

When they both came down from the post coital high however long later it was, Simon rolled onto his side to cuddle into Raphael’s chest. He felt gentle hands in his hair, and he hesitantly pressed a gentle kiss over Raphael’s heart.

“The crown looks good on you.” He said. Raphael chuckled.

“Glad you like it. It’s probably was gave me the balls to do this.” He admitted, voice soft. Simon smiled, nuzzling into Raphael’s chest.

“Little possessive, aren’t you?” He mumbled teasingly.

“Protective. I’m protective.” Raphael’s tone was a little indignant, as if offended by the accusation. Simon just smiled a little wider.


	2. If you keep looking at me like that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: If you keep looking at me like that, we'll never make it to a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dios mío , ¿por qué he esperado tanto tiempo? : My god, why didn't I do this sooner?
> 
> Bésame otra vez: Kiss me again

Simon’s training was coming along nicely. He was learning to control his blood lust, was learning to reign in the aggression. He could focus on his enhanced senses, could fight and defend. All in all, he was doing very well.

Now, if only Raphael could manage to keep his _own_ control in check.

It was growing increasingly more difficult. Spending so much time with him, getting close to him so often. His rambling had gotten less annoying and more passionate, his smile less goofy and more endearing. The quiet started to grate on Raphael’s nerves, now. He found himself wishing for that voice, whether it was singing softly or babbling on about whatever it was he was excited about at that moment.

Raphael knew exactly what was happening to him, and he hated it. Absolutely refused to admit to it. If he ignored it, this stupid infatuation would go away.

It would be far easier to ignore if he stopped walking into the Hotel’s gym to find Simon training without his shirt on.

The fourth time this week alone. Raphael was beginning to think Simon was doing it on purpose. Taunting him with it, like he somehow knew about the crush Raphael was refusing to admit to.

Raphael hadn’t realized he had been staring until he heard Simon’s breathless little laugh, and he clenched his jaw up. He snapped his eyes back up to Simon’s face, and damn that toothy smile he had.

“If you keep looking at me like that, we’ll never even make it to a bed.” Simon quipped, head cocking to the side a bit.

And he’d been doing that more and more lately, throwing out flirtatious little comments. Just pushing and pushing to see how far he could go, how much of a fondly exasperated laugh he could get out of the clan leader.

This one, however, crossed every line he had set up so far.

It was usually cheesy lines. Pick up lines that you’d find as jokes on gum wrappers. Flirty references to movies and shows and comics. Nothing this blatantly sexual. Nothing so simple yet profound, nothing that sounded quite so much like an invitation.

And Raphael only had so much self control.

He was across the gym before he could think, pushing Simon up against the wall with their noses almost touching. He pushed himself up into Simon’s space, refusing to allow any emotion. He heard the surprised gasp Simon gave, and he couldn’t even find it in him to think of how stupidly unnecessary it was.

“Stop me.” He said, voice low, almost desperate. “Tell me you’re kidding, and I’ll leave. Because I’m not strong enough to stop myself.”

Simon gaped for a moment. He had suspected, or rather hoped, that it had been mutual. That the attraction was felt on both sides. And all the flirting and lame pick up lines had been genuine attempts to gauge it. But Raphael’s reaction were hard to read, hard to decipher as anything. Simon had never been good at reading people, it seemed that didn’t get any better with the vampirism.

But this? He certainly hadn’t expected this.

He definitely wasn’t complaining, though.

Simon swallowed thickly, eyes wide as he raised his hands to Raphael’s hips. He could see the hesitation building in the vampire’s eyes, the regret and embarrassment and hurt mounting the longer he took to respond. He gripped at Raphael’s hips, and turned them quickly, pushing Raphael back into the wall and leaning their faces even closer.

“Don’t stop yourself, then.” He managed to say, and if he wasn’t so mind blown by the whole situation, he’d be psyched by how smooth that had been.

But all thoughts were completely destroyed when his lips locked onto Raphael’s. Desperate and needy, hands that were surprisinly soft gripping his face as he tilted into the kiss. He could hear little noises, nearly whimpers, and he couldn’t tell which one of them they were coming from.

Raphael’s tongue pressed against the seam of Simon’s mouth, impatient. Simon felt a harsh shiver wrack his spine as he opened his lips, letting Raphael lick into his mouth. His hands squeezed at the elder’s hips before sliding down over his thighs. He felt Raphael push up onto his toes, and he, perhaps foolishly, took that as a sign to grab at his thighs to haul him up against the wall. Raphael’s arms wrapped tightly around his neck and his legs wrapped around his waist, head tilting to deepen the kiss even further.

Simon, in all honesty, had not expected that to be taken well. He had actually expected Raphael to get angry with him, not eagerly take to the position. But, again, Simon was far from complaining. He was so, _so_ far from complaining.

Raphael’s head fell back against the wall with a dull thud, and Simon instantly pressed in to latch on to his neck.

“Dios mío , ¿por qué he esperado tanto tiempo?” Raphael gasped out, breathless. His eyes flitted closed, a hand carding into Simon’s hair to press him closer into his neck.

Simon nipped teasingly at where his pulse would be strongest, careful not to actually bite into the flesh, before trailing open mouthed kisses up his neck to his jaw.

“Bésame otra vez.” Raphael breathed out, lowering his head again.

“I don’t know what the means.” Simon answered, almost a whisper. Raphael grabbed his face, tugging him back into his lips.

“Kiss me again.” He clarified, their lips already slotted together again.

Simon was right. They did not make it to a bed.


	3. Is that my shirt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Is that my shirt?

When the first shirt went missing, Simon had figured it was a prank.

You know, kind of like hazing but with vampires. Just a silly thing that the others were doing as an initiation. It was certainly better than some horror stories Simon had heard of college hazing. Stories of people getting practically tortured or forced into dangerous and/or illegal actions. So, really, having a simple shirt go missing definitely didn’t seem like a big deal. He had plenty more, anyway.

When it kept happening, Simon just accepted it. They weren’t super expensive, it’s not like if he were stealing Raphael’s jackets or even Stan’s ties. Simon would swear that vampire’s ties cost more than a tuition. And even after months, Simon hadn’t seen the same one twice.

Even after months, Simon was having a hard time adjusting to the ‘sleep at day, wake at night’ schedule. He would flail around in his bed - he _refused_ to sleep in a coffin - and stare at the clock until he finally passed out from pure exhaustion. So, being awake in the middle of the day still wasn’t odd for him. He’d pace through his bedroom, would text Clary or Izzy. Sometimes he played his guitar or worked on a new song.

But today? Today, Simon was lonely. He didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to sit in his room by himself. It felt like the walls were collapsing in on him and he was suffocating despite not needing to breathe. So, he nearly ran out of the room, bare feet smacking on the marble floors as he hurried through the halls.

He was standing in front of Raphael’s door, hand raised and ready to knock before he knew where he was going.

He could hear the shuffling inside, hear the sleepy groans and the quiet, Spanish swears being murmured. Something about that was comforting, made the hotel walls seem a little less cramped.

The first thing Simon noticed when the door opened was how _human_ Raphael looked.

His eyes were half closed, still glazed over. He was rubbing the sleep from one of his eyes with his knuckles, almost like you’d expect from a child. His usually slicked and styled hair was messy, curling and sticking up at odd angles. He suddenly looked so much younger, like this. Barely older than Simon himself was.

The second thing Simon noticed was his clothing.

The silky looking pajama pants were not surprising in the least. High end and luxurious looking. What was surprising was the tee shirt, that white shirt with the original Kanto starter pokemon on the front. That garrish, yellow font spelling out ‘Pokemon!’ emblazened across his chest.

“What.” Raphael demanded after giving a little yawn, when Simon didn’t answer. Simon blinked, then pointed.

“I just…I…is that my shirt?” He asked, brows furrowing.

Raphael seemed to wake fully in an instant, head snapping down to look at himself. His eyes were wide, almost frightened, when he lifted his head again to look at Simon.

“I….” He started, before clamping his mouth shut. He didn’t have a good answer, and staying silent would preserve more of his dignity than fumbling over his words, would.

Simon blinked a couple more times before a big, goofy smile pulled across his lips.

“It looks good on you.” He said. He swore he saw a blush rise on the apples of Raphael’s cheeks. “So is this where all my missing shirts have been going?”

“…Maybe.” Raphael answered, and that only made him seem even younger. Simon’s smile widened even more.

“Can I come in?” He asked. Raphael didn’t respond for a long moment, then stepped aside to let Simon in.

Simon didn’t end up getting any of the shirts back.


	4. Lost in translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: prompts you say? what about simon speaking in yiddish or hebrew to get back at raphael for purposefully speaking in spanish so simon doesn't understand him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations in order of appearance: 
> 
> Good evening, fledgling.
> 
> May I come in?
> 
> Not so fun on the other side, is it?

No matter how many decades Raphael had spent speaking English, it was not his first language.

And he was proud of his mother tongue. He enjoyed speaking it, loved the roll of those Spanish words falling off his lips. Sometimes, he didn’t even realize it. When he first woke as the sun was going down, when he was groggy and not fully aware. When his emotions got the better of him, and his anger or excitement took over.

Other times? Other times, he knew full well he was speaking Spanish and he did it specifically to see that frustrated, confused expression on Simon’s face.

How his lips pressed together, his brows furrowing. Like his brain was working itself ragged trying to figure out what the hell was being said. Trying to make sense of the foreign language. And Raphael would always smirk at him, a satisfied smugness radiating off of him as he turned and walked away.

Simon hated being alone, and Raphael had figured that out quickly. He followed him around the hotel, most night, when he wasn’t with Clary. So, Raphael wasn’t surprised when Simon came knocking on his bedroom door shortly after the sun set. He went to open the door, head tilting.

“Buenas noches, navoto.” He greeted.  Instead of that adorably surprised expression he was expecting, Simon grinned at him.

“אני יכול להיכנס?“ He replied.

Raphael knew damn well that whatever Simon replied with was not English, but he could not for the life of him figure out what language it was. His own brows furrowed together slightly, head tilting a little further to the side, and Simon’s grin just widened.

“ לא כל כך כיף בצד השני , נכון?” He continued, arms crossing smugly over his chest.

Raphael clicked his tongue, eyes narrowing as he watched the fledgling. He crossed his own arms over his chest, and they were suddenly squaring off against each other.

The rest of the clan steered clear of that hallway for the rest of the night, able to hear the two shooting off rapid Spanish and Hebrew at each other until the words had turned to moaning.


	5. You heard me. Take. It. Off.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: You heard me. Take. It. Off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, I do not in any way think anyone who is asexual is 'broken'. I just think it's a fair assumption that Raphael, who grew up in a time where anything but cis and straight was wrong, would think there was something wrong with him.

Vampires by nature tended to be sexual creatures. There was something inherently sensual about them, a type of allure that often helped them while they were hunting. They drew others in, whether it be a mundane, a demon or another vampire. 

And Raphael couldn’t help but feel broken.

That desire just wasn’t there. He didn’t see the appeal. He knew others found him attractive, that others were pulled in by the enthralling aura all vampires seemed to have. But he couldn’t find it in himself to return the desire. Surely, that meant there was something wrong with him, didn’t it?

It only got more and more obvious to him when Simon showed up.

He wanted the fledgling like he had never wanted anyone. Wanted to make him smile and make him laugh, wanted to be near him. He wanted to kiss Simon for hours, to curl into him as he fell asleep. He wanted to tell Simon all about his past, and spend his future with him. And when they finally kissed, when they finally got together after however many months of pining, Raphael felt like his heart could start beating again at any moment.

But, Simon was just as inherently sexual as all the other vampires. He made it no secret that he was interested in sex, that he wanted to have Raphael in every way possible. And that sparked such a fear in Raphael. He couldn’t deny Simon, couldn’t say no. Simon would leave him, he was sure of it, and Raphael didn’t think he could handle that.

They kissed often. Would lounge in bed together, wrapped in each others arms, and share lazy, languid kisses. Raphael loved it, loved the hands resting on his hips or lovingly cupping his face, loved feeling Simon smile or laugh against his lips. Simon’s lips were soft and sweet, he moved carefully like he was terrified of messing up.

This particular night, Simon’s hands were exploring. One slipping up under Raphael’s shirt to lovingly rub over his back, his other trailing down his tight and tentatively over the curve of his ass. Raphael’s breath would have caught in his throat, and not in a good way, if it could have.

But Simon wanted this. Simon wanted sex and Raphael didn’t want to lose him over this. He could handle it, it would be fine.

“Take it off.” He murmured against Simon’s lips, tugging at his shirt. Simon paused, like his mind was trying to catch up with what had been said.

“What?” He ended up asking.

“You heard me.” Raphael demanded, perhaps more aggressively than he’d meant to. “Take. It. Off.”

Simon swallowed thickly, nodding dumbly as he gently pushed Raphael up. He sat up, tugging the shirt off his head clumsily. He got stuck, briefly, giving a breathy laugh. He tossed the shirt aside, guiding Raphael down onto the bed so he was hovering over him. He leaned down to kiss Raphael again, nipping teasingly at his lip before he trailed little kisses over his jaw. Raphael clamped his eyes shut, swallowing thickly. The sweet kisses felt nice enough, he supposed. Good, even. But Simon’s hand was slipping up his shirt, again, tracing over the curve of muscle in his abdomen and it made Raphael feel sick.

“You’re so beautiful, Raph.” Simon breathed out, nipping at his neck.

Simon’s hand moved, again. Teasing down over his stomach until he got to the hemline of Raphael’s jeans. He managed to get the button open before Raphael couldn’t handle it, anymore.

Raphael made a choking type of sound, shoving at Simon’s chest to make the other get off of him. He scrambled toward the edge of the bed, eyes wide and unfocused as he gasped for breath he didn’t need. Simon’s eyes widened as he watched. He shifted closer, brows furrowing.

“Raphael…?” He ventured tentatively. Raphael shook his head harshly.

“I tried. I tried, Simon, but I can’t do it.” He said.

Simon swallowed thickly, suddenly realizing this was far different than what he had initially suspected. The panic in Raphael’s voice proved it, the fear that seemed to contort his face. Simon could tell this wasn’t because Raphael didn’t care about him. But, he didn’t know what else it was.  He moved carefully over to sit beside Raphael, head tilting slightly.

“C’mon, Raph. Talk to me.” He encouraged gentle, offering his hand. Raphael hesitated before linking their fingers together.

“I just….I don’t want to have sex. I don’t like the idea of it. I can’t...it makes me feel sick.” He explained quietly, and Simon was shocked by this side of Raphael. He had never seen him like this, so unsure of himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, voice still soft. Like he was worried he’d frighten Raphael off. Raphael sighed, shoulders dropping.

“You’re not subtle, Simon. You are more than happy to have a physically intimate relationship. “ He swallowed, finally looking up at Simon. “I didn’t want to risk losing you. I love you, mi sol naciente. I love you and I don’t want me being broken to be the reason you leave.”

Simon’s eyes widened, and he swore his throat closed up. No. No, how could Raphael say that about himself? He shook his head, reaching his free hand to cup Raphael’s face. His thumb lovingly rubbed over the soft skin, and he made sure Raphael was still looking at him before he spoke.

“You’re not broken.” He said firmly. “You’re not. You don’t like sex, okay. That’s fine. We don’t have to have sex. I’ve got a hand. I’ve got two, in fact.” He insisted.

“You shouldn’t have to settle.” Raphael answered, wincing when his voice cracked. Simon shook his head again.

“And you shouldn’t force yourself into anything. I love you, too, Raphael. I love you. We’ll figure something out. If loving you means my sexual gratification has to come from myself, I’ll take that gladly okay? “

Raphael stayed silent for a long moment, eyes wide and looking far younger than he was. A large part of him couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe that Simon still wanted him, that Simon was willing to forgo something he so blatantly wanted just to keep Raphael comfortable. He managed a nod before he was pressing into Simon, face buried in his neck. Simon’s arms wrapped around him, holding him close and Raphael felt whole. For the first time in decades, Raphael didn’t feel like he was wrong.

“Thank you, Simon. Mi sol naciente. Thank you.” He mumbled into Simon’s neck.

He felt a press of lips against his head for an answer.


	6. I lost that chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon knew as soon as he woke up that something was wrong with Raphael. Now if only he could get his stubborn lover to talk to him about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sucks because I wrote it while feeling like crap. But, I love the idea of it. So whatever.

Simon had noticed the change in Raphael as soon as he woke up. 

Usually, he woke to Raphael snuggled into his side, doing a sudoku on his phone or reading while he waited for Simon to wake. When Simon woke this night, however, Raphael was nowhere in sight. He found himself alone aside from the dark brown cat sleeping comfortably on Raphael’s pillow.

Simon’s brows furrowed, and he absently scratched at Gato’s head as he glanced around the room. Raphael’s pajamas were folded up on the chair, which wasn’t unusual. What was unusual, however, was Raphael’s phone left on the bedside table. Ignoring the way Gato batted at his hand as he stood, Simon went to examine the phone.

“You know where Raph went, Gato?” He asked, glancing over at the cat. Gato looked up, yawned, then settled back down on the pillow.

Shaking his head, as if he had actually expected the cat to answer him, Simon slipped out of the room. It didn’t take him long to find Raphael. Sat behind his desk, aggressively writing something down. He ignored Simon when he walked in, kept ignoring him even as Simon went to wrap around him.

When Raphael shrugged him off, Simon blinked. That...also wasn’t normal. Raphael loved contact, loved to have Simon touch him.

“Raph, what’s wrong?” He asked, brows furrowed. Raphael didn’t look up.

“Nothing.” He answered shortly.  Simon looked thoroughly unimpressed.

“I don’t believe you. At all.” He moved to sit on the corner of the desk, facing Raphael, and he crossed his arms.

“What a shame.” Raphael said, still not looking up.

Simon’s eyes narrowed a little, and he examined Raphael. After a long moment, he reached out to touch Raphael’s shoulder, and it was like a stab to the chest when Raphael pushed him off again. Simon swallowed, then stood.

“What the fuck is wrong, Raph?” He demanded, arms crossing. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Raphael didn’t seem phased, didn’t say anything else.

Simon groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. He paced in front of the desk for a few long moments, hoping to make Raphael at least snap at him. Anything other than this auto-pilot bullshit he was currently pulling. He wasn’t sure how long he did it, doing his usual ‘pay attention to me’ routine that usually got a reaction from Raphael. But, however, long it was, Raphael wasn’t paying attention.

Finally, Simon went to slam his hands down on the desk, glaring at Raphael.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, Raph!” He demanded. “Talk to me. You know, like an actual adult?”

Raphael’s head snapped up, and Simon was surprised by the oddly hurt type of rage twisting up his face.

“I’m not an adult, Simon!” He snapped. “I will _never_ be an adult. I lost that chance a long time ago.”

Simon blinked once, then twice, and he stared at Raphael. He could see Raphael’s shoulders just barely trembling, could see him trying as hard as he could to keep the rage on his face instead of the hurt. Simon’s shoulders dropped, and he shook his head as he stepped around the desk.

He wrapped his arms around Raphael, pulling him into his chest. Relief bloomed in his chest when Raphael clung to him, despite how he was shaking in his arms. Simon nuzzled into the side of his head, squeezing him gently.

“C’mon, babe. What’s going on?” He asked quietly, letting a hand tangle in Raphael’s hair. Raphael didn’t answer for a long moment, but this time Simon didn’t rush him. He stayed silent, letting Raphael take his time.

“I’d be seventy-nine today.” He said finally, and Simon was surprised by the broken sound of his voice. Making him sound much younger.  

Simon took a long moment to understand, his brows furrowing in confusion. It hit him harshly, what exactly Raphael meant. His arms tightened around him, pulling Raphael tightly into his chest. He shifted, gently guiding Raphael back towards the couch in the office and dropping down onto it. Raphael curled into him, and Simon was suddenly grateful he had remembered the shut the door when he entered.

“I had plans, mi sol.” Raphael choked out, bloody tears slipping down and soaking into Simon’s shirt. “I wanted a family. Children of my own, the chance to grow into a better man than my father.”

Simon’s chest tightened, and he only tightened his hold on Raphael. He rocked gently back and forth, lovingly petting his fingers through his hair. He swallowed thickly, unsure what to say. What was there to say? He understood, in a way. He had plans, too. But there was nothing they could do to fix it for each other.

“I know, baby. I know and I wish I could make it happen for you.” He managed to murmur, tears welling in his own eyes.

It stayed quiet between them, then. With Raphael clinging to Simon and Simon gently rocking them back and forth. Simon wasn’t sure how long they stayed there, just wrapped around each other. But, after however long, their tears had dried and they had rearranged to lie on the couch together. Raphael kept his face pressed into Simon’s neck, one of his hands clenched up in his shirt.

“I love you.” Raphael broke the silence, sighing.

“I love you, too.” Simon answered, turning to kiss Raphael’s temple.

The situation wasn’t fixed. Simon knew that. He knew that he could never fill that void in Raphael or in himself. But holding Raphael close made it seem a little better. It allowed them to share that burden, if nothing else.

“I got to meet you, though. We got each other, at least.” He mused quietly, and he felt more than he heard the half-hearted laugh he got in return.

“One good thing. Should count my blessings, I suppose.” He answered, pressing even closer to Simon.

“Alright you know what, I feel a little insulted now.” Simon teased lightly, hesitantly. Like he wasn’t sure he could get away with it, yet.

Raphael gave a real laugh, this time. Small, but genuine. He pushed up to look down at Simon, and it was painful to see the dried blood in trails down his cheeks. Simon reached to cup his face, thumb brushing over his cheek.

“Thank you.” Raphael said, voice quiet.

Simon wasn’t quite sure what he was being thanked for, but he offered a smile anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raphael named his cat Gato and you will never convince me otherwise, fight me.


End file.
